Freedom from the Greener Grass

We've all been there.

We applied for a job or a show that we really wanted and we didn't get it. Intead they gave it to someone else. You've been trying to get pregnant and yet everyone on facebook seems to be posting baby announcemets. You've been on several horrible dates and have lost your faith in love, and that same person who stole your job opportunity tells you how they have met the love of their life and they found it when they "just weren't looking for it".

The grass really does always seem greener on the other side of the screen. We get on facebook and all we seem to see is what everyone else is achieving, We are reminded of what we don't have. I can't tell you how may times I have not been cast in a show or watched someone else achieve something, and instead of being joyful for their accomplishement, I just felt jealous.  As much as I hated that about myself, it was really hard to change.

For me, It was hard realizing I was 28 and not married.  All of my friends were getting engaged. I never realized how bad it was until my best friend told me she was going to be nervous to tell me when she got engaged.  That was a huge wake up call for me.  I would never want my best friend to ever feel like I wouldn't support her.  I have spent my life wanting to encourage people, and instead I let my bitterness and envy cloud my thoughts and actions. 

Believe me, when you feel those pangs of jelousy... you  not alone.  No it may not always seem fair, but here is the truth...

Those opportunties weren't meant for you.

On the flip side, the blessings in your own life weren't meant for anyone else but you. 

Here's the beautiful thing:Other people's successes do not diminish your own success.

Just because another girl is pretty does not make me any less beautiful. We have to get out of this comparing mindset and realize that your life is exactly that... YOUR life.  It's YOUR journey. Nobody else can write your story except you.  You were given your passion on purpose.

So what can we do to turn that "grass is always greener" mentality to "grass or no grass... I am grateful"

1) Check your thoughts. When you find yourself being jealous of someone  else's accomplishments or success, congratulate them. Put kindness and humility into the world. You'll find you will be more grateful for the things you have in your own life when you congradulate others on their accomplishments.

2) If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  It happens when sometimes we just can't be or aren't happy about something or someone.  And THAT'S OKAY!!! The trick is learning the art of keeing it to yourself and not dragging their name through the mud.  You're the much bigger person by admitting you're not happy about it to yourself but no retaliating. Refuse to let anything diminish your greatness... because you ARE great!

3) I've said it before... make a gratitude journal. Write down the incredible blessings that ARE in your life so that you have something to remind you when it's hard to remember the good things that you DO have.

You're not alone, my dear one.

We're digging through this messy thing called life together. Let me remind you, you ARE enough. You ARE worthy. You ARE a force to be reckoned with.

And Let It Begin With Me....

Heartbreak. 
Change. 
Situations no one wants to face.
Recently, I sat in an airport near a couple that was in the heat of a fight. Their faces were riddled with hurt as they argued and lashed out. 

Then I realized..they weren't speaking English.

It's so interesting how suffering and struggle is universal. I didn't have to know what they were saying to understand what was happening. I didn't have to translate their words to feel the hurt and heaviness on their hearts.

My heart broke. 

How many times have I been on one side of that table? On the tearful one or the frustrated one. Far too often have I used my hands and my words to beg or plead for understanding, an apology, or any sign of hope; only to be met with anger, confusion, and doubt.  

"I love you, but I don't know if I see a future with you." 
"Why can't you just understand?" 
"You're not listening to me. Just listen to me!" 
"You're not worth it anymore."

We've all been seated at that table. 
So many of us get stuck for our entire lives on one side of that table. We get cemented into begging the world to understand, begging the world to apologize, begging for some kind of hope. 
I can promise you, the world won't give that to you. The world doesn't care. 

But that's not the end of the story.

The rest of the world may not answer you, but we can. We, this community,  can be the answer. We can show mercy to a stranger needing an encouraging word. To the homeless begging more for love than our money. To that coworker going through a divorce. To our friend who just lost her baby. To our overweight friend who is struggling to get off the couch. 
It's OUR job, our challenge, our mission to speak hope, truth, peace, and compassion to the world. 

WE CAN BE THE VOICE WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

So let's change the song that the world is singing. 
1) Change the way you speak to yourself. It's that whole log in your own eye before the speck in your brothers eye thing. You'll find it easier to encourage others if you encourage yourself first. 
2) Seek out at least three people in your life to encourage everyday-- three different people everyday. Better yet, make one of the people you encourage a stranger. Give them a compliment, ask how they are really doing, or tell them they are incredible. 
3) When someone opens up to you about their struggles, LISTEN TO THEM. Make eye contact with them. Put down your phone and give them your undivided attention. Show them you care by giving them one of the best gifts you can give- your time. 

Let's change the world's tone of voice.

Empty Glass Mentality

If you spoke to your friends, the same way that you speak to yourself, would your friends still be there?
Let's be honest. The answer is probably a resounding no.
You've heard it all before. 
"you're your own worst critic." 
"We are always harder on ourselves than anyone else." 
    But the real question is why.  
WHY is it acceptable to pummel ourselves into the ground? WHY is it okay for us to tear ourselves down and believe so little in ourselves that we give up on something before we even start.
The answer... 
Fear. 
I've been there. You are not alone.
How many of you have believed this lie? "If I just expect the absolute worst to happen, then anything other than that will be great, and I won't be disappointed?" Then you try to imagine just how bad it could be and talk yourself out of doing it all together.
I believed that lie for a really long time. Hell, there are still times when life gets to be too much that I find myself trying to brace for the worst.  I realized that by tearing myself down and expecting the worst, I spent more time talking myself out of dreams because of fear and missed out on UNFATHOMABLE joy if I had just trusted and spoke grace, confidence and humility to myself. 

SO how do we stop this "empty glass" mentality

1) Check your crew.
    What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with? How do they speak to each other? How do they speak to YOU? Do they tear you down, or build you up? Do they show you grace and support even if you don't always win? 
    By answering these questions, you can start to make a change. Start to seek out the people who speak truth and hope into your life. These people are sometimes hard to find in the negative swamp of Facebook and Instagram, but I promise they are there. Step back from people who bring you down, make you feel bad about yourself, or spend all of their time degrading people or talking behind others backs. (Sad truth is.. they're talking about you too...and you just don't have time for that)

2) SHOW YOURSELF GRACE!
    I need you to focus on this next statement.
     Are you focused yet? 
YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL SOMETIMES. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A FAILURE. There is a huge difference between failing and BEING a failure. Give yourself enough room to fall down, and let it be okay to do just that! Where you become a gladiator is when you don't say to yourself "You're an idiot. Why did you do that? You are so stupid. Don't ever dream big again otherwise you will always be embarressed, stress, and let down". INSTEAD say "well damn, that kinda sucked. But I'm so proud of myself for trying. The fact that I tried puts me a hundred steps ahead of the person who didn't. Ha! That's pretty cool!  I may have failed at this, but that just means that's over with and now I can succeed double next time". You'll be suprised at how your luck will seem to shift.

3) DO SOMETHING. 
    Just. Do. Something. Take one risk. It can be very little. Talking to a stranger.  Do a pay it forward at a restaurant. Crack a joke you've been thinking about. Do Karaoke. Take a dance class. Do an amateur stand up comedy night! What have you been putting off because you're afraid? What have you talked yourself out of? It doesn't have to be huge, but it has to be something. And then afterwards, EVEN IF IT DIDN'T TURN OUT EXACTLY AS YOU PLANNED, give yourself a big pat on the back. Because even if you took 10 steps forward and 9 steps back.... you still moved forward one very beautiful step. 

Now THAT'S something to celebrate wouldn't you say? 
Yeah.
Me too!